Sandra Confesses: "I'm a Facebook Flunky!"

I have a confession to make. I'm a Facebook Failure. A Twitter Twit. And an out of place MySpacer.

I've had multiple conversations with editors and other agents who claim to love the socializing and staying in touch value of these social networks. And I realize there is some potential for developing business relationships and marketing opportunities. Personally, though, I've yet to commit.

I tried a few weeks ago to get on board. I really did. I set myself up on Facebook, including loading it up on my BlackBerry so I could be sure and let everyone know when I was heading off to the ladies room (ahem, in case you missed it, this is Sandra writing, not Chip), running to the post office, or taking a break to sneak up to the neighborhood coffee shop or walk the dog. I knew such information would keep folks absolutely riveted.

At first it seemed like a fun tool. An experiment. I like people, and I enjoy making new friends, so I jumped in, deciding it couldn't hurt to work on my water cooler skills. 

But then, without provocation on my part I started receiving notes from people I didn't know who wanted to "connect" with me and I realized that my to do list and communication expectations had grown exponentially. I know there's an underlying expectation that one doesn't have to accept all invitations, but I have to admit, I panicked. Seriously.  I couldn't keep up with the requests, and hated, no, LOATHED, clicking decline.

So, I began avoiding it altogether.

And then recently I began wondering if people would think I'm some sort of snob or social misfit or something. And I began to wonder if it's strange that I prefer to "connect" with people face to face? That I'd rather save my words for meaningful exchanges? That maybe I live in my own head way, way, way too much? That I'm too focused on my to do list and not focused enough on daily chats with others? That I'm missing out on some grand opportunities to prime meaningful relationships? And that my career (and therefore that of my authors) would suffer if I don't get on the Social Network Train?

And then I panicked all over again.

It's not like me, really. I'm typically pretty poised and confident. Not too concerned about the whole rejection thing (good trait for an agent, eh?) and I don't worry too much what people think of me. But, the pressure of accepting or declining "friendships" on a daily basis has had me a little freaked out. Also, I know there is valuable info passed around on a daily basis that I miss out on here. 

Still, today I decided it's just not for me. I'm not whining about too much to do and not enough time to connect. It's just not my style. Go ahead. Call me old fashioned. A social misfit. A bookworm. Whatever you must. Please though, don't consider me a snob -- that's really not it.

In the end, for me, I've just decided if it's important I'll hear about it. And if I'm meant to connect with people, I will.

Sorry to disappoint everyone who has urged me to join the party. As yet, I'm just not convinced it's where I belong.

Comments

[Susan at Stony River]

So glad to hear you say this too. Most of the time I spend on Facebook is deleting 'invitations' and apologising to people for not participating more. I would never have touched it in the first place, but there does seem to be a general expectation from all sides, that we all be 'connected' this way---not being on Facebook now, is like not having a telephone a few decades ago; you can start to feel like a fool for not being on board. But I'm not liking it.

[Timothy Fish]

In Facebook, you can setup a business page, which doesn't require you to accept people who want to follow what goes on there, making it more like Twitter with stuff.

The main reason I like Facebook is because it has allowed me to connect with old friends. Yeah, there's a business side to it, but most people who really want to know what's going on with that side of things will read my blog or website anyway.

Twitter is great for celebrities, so maybe if I ever get that best seller out there then I'll like it a lot better, but right now most of the people who click the follow button for me are people are trying to sell some kind of junk. I don't think they really care what I'm doing, no matter how good I am at telling the story through Twitter.

[Richard Mabry]

I'm on Facebook and Twitter. Started out unwillingly, because "authors need to have a presence," just like a web page and a blog. Now I use them to keep up with people I know and like, accomplishing this by setting up specific groups. I'm blocking and declining more and more followers when it's obvious they're either commercial or pornographic.
Thanks for letting us know that others are as frustrated as we are with the social networking scene.

[Kathy Green]

I think many people can identify with your Facebook woes. I check in about once a week, don't tell everyone what I'm doing but I do sneak into my kids (adults now) pages to see what they are up to. I use Twitter strickly for business to business contact and that is working very well for me. BYW I don't follow those people who tweet every five minutes what they are doing and what they had for lunch - who cares!

[Darin Shaw]

Hey Sandra, Thoughtful post. I was burdened by the time that was getting sucked out of my day by social media, but found that tools like Seesmic, Tweetdeck and PeopleBrowsr helped me greatly. Just a thought for you, should you decide to look into it all again in the future. Blessings!

[Jennifer]

It's refreshing to read that someone else has "issues" with social networking online. I do have a facebook account. I also have a couple of blogs (one for writing, one for business). I understand your hesitancy because I'd much rather connect in person or, gasp, by letter. You know, the old fashioned kind that requires pen and paper and a stamp? I enjoy my facebook connections because I have found old friends and it's a good place to post links to my blog updates. As for Twitter and MySpace, however, you can count me out!

~Jennifer

[Sean]

Sandra,

I'm in your camp, standing athwart the perimeter, dilligently watching for social networking infiltrators, while eating a Mars candy bar. (They are better than I thought!)

Your piece has helped crystallize my thoughts about social networking. Discussions on such sites are surface deep, and the posts about every mundane task performed by your friend’s borders on violating the TMI clause of the internationally recognized friendship agreement. (TMI = Too Much Information)

You are not alone. There are millions who agree with your point of view. We just don't have a networking website where we can discuss our communal disregard for social networking websites. Of course, if we did that would defeat our goal of deep, personal, face to face relationships.

Stay strong and refuse to join!

[Tricia]

Glad to hear I'm not the only one. I attempted facebook, but failed when it told me it wasn't compatible with my e-mail service--whatever that means. Yet still, I get daily emails from strange names that say they have befriended me. I can't even decline them if I tried.

Then Twitter ... I gave up after about forty seconds of trying to understand random conversations. I'll never get the appeal on that one.

I have a blog that I'd be ambitious if I posted twice a month.

I believe it's all a conspirousy to keep writers from writing and agents from agenting.

[Wendy]

Initially Facebook felt like one of the most unnatural things I’ve ever encountered. It’s not that I’m entirely comfortable with it now, but I guess I’m just learning the ropes of it all. I still don’t Twitter, tweet, or whatever. I have this odd internal debate about whether I’m an introvert or an extrovert in part because of these social networking sites. Give me a cup of tea and a good book and I’m quite content to be home reading or writing all day.

Yet again, there is something to this social connecting thing that has a grasp on me. I’ve gotten into blogging much more than FB, probably because I feel it allows for more expression. Thanks for admitting to the “just not that into it” attitude. I’m not sure I like that I’ve grown accustomed and borderline addicted to it all. I also prefer to connect with people face to face and to save my words for meaningful exchanges.
~ Wendy

[Gretchen]

Boy howdy do I agree with you. I never liked MySpace, it felt like an online diary to me. And I'm the girl who hated diaries; couldn't keep one to save my life. I've avoided FaceBook & Twitter like the plague and don't plan on ever joining. If an agent some day tells me I should have more of an online presence, I'll have to hire someone to keep FB updated for me! lol

[Nicole]

Very refreshing. I do a little bit of Facebook and my blog. Beyond that: why?

[Julie Gillies]

Good for you for staying true to your convictions, Sandra.

Last year my 19 year old son set me up on Facebook. It sat dormant for months but I tip-toed in and now love it. My ENTIRE family (across the country) is on, so it helps us stay connected. For me it's easier than a phone call or sending mutliple e-mails.

About 6 weeks ago I decided I would try Twitter...for one week. It seemed pointless but I figured I needed to experience it myself to make a decision. Now? I love it. I've met some interesting professionals with whom I otherwise couldn't interact, and learn new stuff every day. Bonus: The all important platform is expanding.

The caveat is to control social media, and not let it control you.

[chip responds]

Thanks for clarifying that it was YOU going to the ladies room, Sandra. I rarely do that. I mean... the occasional writers' conference maybe, but that's it.

[Carla Stewart]

Sandra--I understand your frustration. FaceBook is the only social networking group that I've actually liked. Maybe because I can sort people into groups--family, close friends, writing contacts. Since I'm an addicted "sorter" I get a kick out of this. I also limit going on to FB to maybe three times a week. Since I get the email notices, I can generally tell if there's something or someone I want to respond to.
I am curious, though, how much actual exposure and platform building it will provide. I guess that remains to be seen.

[Courtney Walsh]

Considering that I rarely get out of the house for adult interaction, Facebook is like a god-send for me. I really hate trying to have a phone conversation with my kids shouting in the background, so I feel like at least I'm not the only person on the planet...

However, I hate Twitter. Just read an article about how people sign up for Twitter, try it out a couple times and then don't go back. No one gets it... it does seem really silly to me, especially if you're on Facebook.

Curious your thoughts about my husband's new obsession: Linked In. I've been on it for years and never bothered to do anything with it...

[Robbie Iobst]

I love your honesty and humor, Sandra! Good for you to have boundaries.

And that's what I think it is all about. Boundaries. In fact I've prayed for the Lord to guide my boundaries specifically with Twitter and Facebook. I followed some bigwigs who twittered every five minutes and then it occured to me that I did it just to feel "in" with some bigwigs. They have no idea who I am AND I don't care what they are doing every 5 minutes. So I stopped following them and now I just glance at Twitter for my fellow writer buddy's updates once a day. A good boundary for me.

As far as Facebook, I am still discovering what I like and don't. I hate being asked to join a cause and I never take the silly quizzes they have, although some people find them fun. BUT I have gotten to know Carla and Lucille through FB. I have had the chance to ask for prayer and pray for others just through FB. So for now, I am liking it.
Knowing your boundaries is a sign of poise and confidence! Good for you!

[Robbie Iobst]

I have to add, though, that I do follow Donny Osmond on Twitter. Ridiculous, but it's that 8 year old girl in me! :0)

[John Robinson]

I don't twitter, tweet, facebook, myspace, hisspace, herface, shoutlife, softlymutter, or anything. All of it both bores me to tears, and baffles the socks off me. Luddite that I am, I prefer, yanno, actually TALKING to people. Novel concept, but then I'm an Eisenhower baby.

And I guess I'm of an age if I see someone walking down the street with one of those blue jobs stuck in his ear, loudly talking to beat the band, I'll either think "cool, dude's got himself a Star Trek Uhura transmitter" or "must be Let-a-Lunatic-Out Day; I hope he doesn't try to hit me up for spare change."

[Nicole]

Ya gotta love John Robinson. ;)

[Susy Flory]

I LOVE Facebook and for me it's the water cooler chat factor. Working at home can be, well, boring and it's fun to check in periodically with friends and see what's hopping (or not). Lately I've been getting annoyed with people who use it for heavy marketing. I'm sorry--I really don't care if you are trying desperately to reach the 1000-friend mark, or if you've just landed your 439th book contract (okay, I'll admit to some slight envy). Funny or quirky status updates are best, but I also like honest, poignant, self-revealing or educational updates, too.

Twitter? Yawn. Too many internet marketers and just plain weirdos. Although, I will say that I first discovered Tosca Lee's Havah, a novel I really enjoyed, through a Wendy Lawton tweet.

[genny]

I just had to comment and say I love your honesty, and I love your perspective that if it's important enough, you'll hear about it.

I have a blog and I'm on Facebook, but I haven't made the move to Twitter yet. Anyway, just had to let you know I enjoyed reading your post.

[Amy @ My Friend Amy]

Well, actually, the fact that you referenced all the things you need to do as what you used facebook to announce (I'm assuming you aren't actually using Twitter) shows that you're right..you didn't get it.

I don't use facebook much, but I do use Twitter. On Twitter I have had:
1)Meaningful exchanges
2) Made new friends I've now met IRL
3) Shared great information about my passion--books and how to best help everyone else hear about great books.

Twitter is also much less demanding about accepting friends. You are not obligated to follow everyone back. As a recent fantastic video I watched said, Twitter isn't about how many people are following you it's about who you follow. It's not about going to the ladies room or picking up your mail--it's about conversation and information exchange.

I say all of this because I'm tired of hearing about how Twitter is all of these things it's not or that people who use it don't value face to face communication or meaningful relationships. Or that relationships can't be deepened on Twitter.

I came here via Twitter. ;)

[Georgiana Daniels]

Yay! I'm not alone. I felt like such a nerd when I closed my Facebook account because everyone gave me flack, loving though it was. FB was sucking up too much time--time better spent writing. I do, however, like to check Twitter a few times a day to see what's going on outside my lil' world.

[Carol]

Sandra, I agree that social networking sites may not be right for everyone. I'm not interested in Facebook or Twitter either. I prefer spending my spare time reading blogs like this one. There's only a little interaction, but a whole lot of useful information.

[Mary]

Hi, my name is Mary and I'm a social media junkie! I adore twitter but it took me a while to get the hang of it, but once i did.... oh my!

I do love all things social media, but then again I love marketing my books as much as writing them. I'm just not your typical writer.