As an agent, you never know what you're going to get when you open your in-box. I've had screeds, odd ramblings, and notes from every conspiracy wacko imaginable (One person revealed to me that "Jimmy Carter is the antichrist!" Um... Jimmy Carter?). So I thought you'd appreciate hearing some interesting stuff.
First, I would like everyone to know that I must be very important, since this week I was sent a proposal from (drumroll please...) the Archangel Gabriel! No kidding. A writer got in touch with me this week to say that she channels the Archangel Gabriel on a daily basis, and that he would be speaking to me that very night. Who knew?
Second, and speaking of nutjobs, a good agent buddy revealed that HE had received a proposal about "how to have sex in space." Woo-hoo! I'm sure it's all the rage among those with a billion dollars in their pocket.
Third, I have a proposal on my my desk that "proves" Hillary Clinton is the antichrist. ("Do not be fooled by the bishops who teach otherwise," it warns. So I'm wondering if the Jimmy Carter supporters are to be believed. It's a neck-and-neck race at this point in the antichrist campaign, apparently.)
All of this comes as a shock to me, since I've been fairly well convinced that Neil Diamond is the antichrist. He is, after all, the one who penned these words: "I am, I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair." (Those are deeply stupid words. And read backwards, at slow speeds, you can hear Neil moaning, "Kiss me, Satan!")
Fourth, there's hope for all you loser guys, since I am now in possession of "How to Make Out with Chicks" (and no, I'm not making up that title). I'm fairly confident the author is not old enough to drink, which means it's not from the same guy who sent me "How to Pick Up Chicks" a few years ago. And sorry, but I'm not going to loan this one out until I've done my own research. Thoroughly.
Fifth, if nothing else, THIS should prove to you that some people in the church are crazy:
Okay, I'm going to go put some fresh aluminum foil on my head...
Chip
Actually, my friend Matt Dabbs has proven who the real Anti-Christ is:
http://mattdabbs.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/big-bird-might-just-be-the-antichrist/
Posted by: Tim Archer | August 15, 2009 at 10:52 AM
I love that big bird thing by the way and definitely proves the point I wanted to mention; certain churchgoers...are preciously retarded.
Posted by: Jessica McInnis | August 15, 2009 at 04:57 PM
Oh man, I was going to one-up you with the looniest YouTube video I'd ever seen, but then you one-upped yourself with it in the last paragraph.
The worst thing is, we were sent this by a friend who took it seriously.
Posted by: Janet | August 15, 2009 at 06:37 PM
There was a Texas pastor who used to preach about Prince Charles being the Antichrist.
Personally, I think it's probably someone with a lot more charisma than Charles or Jimmy. Someone tall, handsome, and with sparkly white teeth, more like Tony "Live with passion" Robbins.
Posted by: Susy Flory | August 15, 2009 at 09:05 PM
The antichrist probably isn't even born yet.
Posted by: Sharon James | August 16, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Re: Jessica
I don't know about the "precious"...
Re: Sharon
Ever though about this? Since Satan is not omniscient - only God is - then he doesn't actually know when the end will be. Thus, he has to have his man in place in every generation ready to step into the role of antichrist.
Re: Chip
Another great post! I wish we could hear about your 'interesting' submissions more often. They're a hoot! Especially the video!
Posted by: Daniel Smith | August 16, 2009 at 09:38 PM
Oh, my - just when I think I should indulge in another round of self-pity you gladden my heart.
Posted by: Lisa Lickel | August 17, 2009 at 06:07 AM
Good post, Chip. Gave me a good time of LOL on a dismal Monday. (Okay, so I hadn't checked your blog for a few days. Sue me!)
DAT
Posted by: David Todd | August 17, 2009 at 09:24 AM