The Dumbest Thing I Ever Did

Okay, we've all made stupid mistakes. Done things in a hurry and later regretted them. I remember once, a couple decades ago, when I was working as an associate pastor at a church, and we had a puppet team come in to work with our youth group. They had those big foam Muppet-like puppets, and were training our kids how to use them to do inner-city puppet shows. The girls were all handling the girl puppets, the boys the boy puppets, and we were all doing our Muppet voices and acting dopey. So, when the woman in charge announced we were going to take a break, I happened to be standing next to one of the girl puppets. I picked it up, slid my hand into it (which meant sliding it under the puppet's dress), and said, "I'd like to see how one of the girls feels." 

Oops. The room suddenly got real quiet. "Um... that's not what I meant!" I ended up having to call all the parents of the kids to apologize. Yikes. Sometimes it's the little things that come back to bite us. 

I tell that story because it's a Saturday morning, and I woke up to discover that, last night, while racing to catch up on some work, I did the dumbest thing I've ever done in more than a decade of agenting. Some background: As an agent, you try and figure out which editor and publishing house is a fit for each project you represent. You put together a list, and you query people, checking to see if they would, in fact, like to look at the manuscript. 

I've got a great novel that I'm representing, from a fine author. I've been really excited about this one, thought it had broad appeal, and put together a nice list of editors. Last night I sat down with that list, opened the proposal... and then SENT EACH OF THEM MY QUERY LIST INSTEAD OF THE PROPOSAL. That means when each editor reads my email and opens the document, instead of looking at the author's words, they'll be looking at a list of other editors and houses who are also receiving this query. Good grief. I've never done anything like that before, and it's such a stoo-pid rookie mistake that... well, I was in shock when I woke up today, checked my email, and saw a note from an editor friend saying, "Uh, Chip, you sent me your query list." AAAAAACK!!!!

Some days, I know I'm a good agent. Over the last year, I've sold more projects than any other agent in the country. I represent great authors. I have an ability to recognize good writing. And then, other days... I do something SO bad it leaves me shaking my head, aghast. Yikes. I'd like to be able to say, "That'll teach you." Except I don't really know what it'll teach me. Not to be a bonehead, I guess. Or maybe to appreciate editor friends who can be honest with me, instead of rolling their eyes and refusing to ever read anything I send them again. Good grief. And the worst thing is that I rarely create a long send list any more -- the industry has changed considerably the last couple of years, so that the majority of projects we sell are actually only sent to one or possibly two houses, since we try and target publishers instead of querying a long list of people. In this case, with a new author... well, again, yikes. I am, indeed, a bonehead. 

You know, years ago, when I was working as an agent at another company, we had something similar happen. We were working with an author named "Elizabeth," and she had a great project that two publishers were fighting over. One of the editors at one of those houses was also named "Elizabeth." Uh, you know how your computer will sometimes fill in the name in the "send" line of your email if you just type the first few letters? Well, my assistant MEANT to send a message to the author, laying out our strategy. Instead, she accidentally sent that email to the editor... who was NOT happy to find out she was being played, and who immediately withdrew from the whole deal. 

Sigh... It turned out okay, I guess. We sold that deal to a great publishing house (in fact, that author is STILL publishing with them, ten years later). And the funniest part of the story is that my former assistant who made that mistake is now WORKING FOR ELIZABETH, the editor who withdrew from the proceedings. I guess people really do forgive mistakes and grace abounds after all. Let's hope.

Geez. What a lousy morning. I'll go apologize to the list of editors who are opening up their emails and wondering, "Has this guy lost his freakin' mind?!" But first, I need to go buy myself a Starbucks, so I'll feel better. 

Comments

[chip responds]

Yeah, okay, so maybe it's not the dumbest thing I EVER did... but it's the dumbest thing I ever did as an AGENT. :o)

[Rachelle]

Chip, the very first submission I ever did as an agent, I said in the letter, "I've attached the proposal in case you'd like to take a look." And I forgot to include the attachment. Very dumb and so embarrassing, being a brand-new agent.

Then I went and made it even worse. I sent out an email to all eight of the publishers to whom I'd sent the query, this time including the attachment. But I mistakenly did it so that they all could see the entire submission list. I was mortified. It's amazing I had the guts to ever do a submission again.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=527226821]

I once sent out a blank email with the subject "test" to 50,000 of my client's customers. Who knows how many people blocked the address from then on.
(it was supposed to go out to 10 "test" customers)

[carrie feron]

Chip

Don't worry about it. There is someone in my company who never looks back on the comments along an email chain before forwarding. Never. You can't imagine how many times this has caused a problem, or maybe you can.

This is one little mistake, and I bet you won't do it again. Happy Halloween. xx carrie

[Caleb]

When I was a kid, ‘secretively’ talking to an adorable girl on a Walkie Talkie at a church campout, no doubt expressing my undying love for her, I found out that several parents were on the same frequency.

Eight years later, I finally got the girl—two years in January. =)

Thank you for sharing, Chip. I’m a writer with one completed manuscript. Your story makes it easy to say, “Hi Chip, fellow human being.”

[Marilyn]

Felt your pain with this. Once, while editing a book for a publisher, the author was accidentally included in the distribution when the publisher was expressing frustration....well, I don't need to go into it all.....felt your pain.

[AimeeLS]

I'm sorry. I laughed.

I've SO been there. Not in publishing, but in life. My mouth has been an open 'send to all' most of my life. Praise God for His mercy and patience in teaching me some discretion when everyone else had given up!

God bless - praying your publisher friends see the funny side.

[Cindy Thomson]

I'm sure those editors all realize you're not a rookie. The very ease of using email is why these things happen. I bet I'm not the only author who once sent a "Dear Agent" email out (failing to fill in the agent's name.) Of course it was not to you, thankfully! But it happens. You'll live to agent another day!

[Susan at Stony River]

Oh no -- sorry I laughed, but it was only because I've done similar things too many times!

I must admit that I'm not brave enough to share those blunders with the world LOL; thank you for a brave and wonderfully human post!

[Beth White]

Hey, does anybody know another agent I can query? JUST KIDDING, Chip! LOL!

[Jodie]

Definitely thanks for sharing. I'm sitting here feeling that initial wave of "uh oh" for you. Makes me feel better, though, that I'm not the only one who wanted to reach into the computer and yank it all back.

[Alison Strobel Morrow]

Oh good gravy, making stupid mistakes like that is the hallmark of my life these days--at least, that's what it feels like. Glad to know I'm in good company. :D

[Stevie Rey]

Don't take it too hard Chip. Nary a day goes by that I ain't done somethin' that makes me look dumber'na sack a turnips. In fact, my favor-right foods is humble pie and crow. I don't never git to eat 'em, though, on account of I always got my foot in my mouth! You know what? I just bet you got more than enough in yer "competent professional" account with them fellers to withstand that there huge withdrawal ye just made! ;-) Grace and forgiveness rules this here Kingdom, bro.

[Carol L Daubenmire]

I am reading this Sunday morning and while I agree with the above statements of appreciation regarding your humility, my thoughts go to the fact that ... THE DUCKS WON! It will be one of the biggest stories talked about till the next big upset so I am thinking those editors and all who know even the slightest bit about you (like me) will say, "that Chip ... what a chucklehead but hey, his DUCKS won!"

[Richard Mabry]

Chip,
Let him who has never hit "Send," then immediately cried "Oh, no!!!" cast the first stone. Thanks for sharing.

[Mary E. Ulrich]

Thanks for your honesty Chip. We all need to remember we are human.

Glad it all worked out.

[Dayle]

Aww.... and here I thought you were perfect. Confession is good for the soul (or so I've been told). In this case, it also brings a ray of hope to fellow-boneheads like me.

Now, what's really the dumbest thing you ever did, or do we want to know?

[Judith Robl]

Chip,

Had to remove the foot from my mouth to giggle over this. We've all been there. I can't tell you how many times I've had to send a second email labeled "Here's the attachment."

Thank goodness, I haven't yet made that mistake with a submission, just with my edits and critiques to fellow writers.

[Kathleen L. Maher]

Chip, that puppet story was hilarious! I'll bet the attendance soared the next week.

Thank you for sharing your fallibility. If I make it to the 2010 ACFW conference, I might not be too intimidated to shake your hand.
: )

[Judith Robl]

AARRGGHH!!! And I did something dumb just today. I emailed Meredith Efken with the salutation, "Hi Marilyn" -- OOOPS!! Hoof-in-mouth disease yet again.

Bless her generous heart, she didn't even mention it in her gracious reply.

[Leah Morgan]

How astonished I am to learn that you get runners in your super hero tights!

[Sharon A Lavy]

Thank you for being transparent. Hope the rest of your day goes better.

[Buffy Andrews]

Don't beat yourself up. We're human. We've all made stupid mistakes. I've made tons of them, some of which thousands of readers have seen in the newspaper for which I am an editor. That's life. People forgive and move on. The hardest part is forgiving yourself. But you've got to forgive yourself so that you can move on. My guess is that a few months from now you'll be writing to tell us that you've successfully placed this manuscript. Good luck, Chip. And may God bless you always. Peace be with you, Buffy

[Courtney Walsh]

The very first time I queried a magazine with an article idea (the idea that later became my first book, actually), I sent it to one magazine but with all the contact info for another (competing) magazine. Horrifying mistake to realize that.

But I've done it since. And texting is even worse. We've all done that. I actually feel better knowing I'm in good company. :)

I hope that Starbucks did the trick!

[Cristin]

Enjoy your humanity :)