A Heaping Hunk o' Questions

Lots of reader questions today. Cheryl wrote to ask, "Who writes dialogue worth studying?"

My response: Elmore Leonard. Ross Thomas. Ann Tyler. Larry McMurtry.  Stephen King. Pat Conroy.

Denise wrote to ask, "On average, how long does an agent allow a writer to stay on board if they're not selling any books?"

It depends on several factors: the relationship between agent and author, how ready the author was when they began working together, what sort of talent the author has, etc. I would say in our industry that people are losing patience. Everybody wants something right now. But books aren't always created right now. If I agree to work with a writer, and believe in his talent, and come up with some sort of plan to help him get his book done, I can be awfully patient. I figure we're working together for the long term, not just for this one book. Sometimes the writing will come more slowly than we'd hoped. Other times life events will intrude, further slowing things down. But as long as it feels like everyone is trying, and we're really moving forward on things together, I'm generally okay with waiting -- I'd rather take longer and do a great book than rush through things and do a bad book. But I know that sounds like I'm begging your question, Denise. So I'd say if an agent is representing an author, they've been together more than a year, the agent has tried a couple times with different writing projects, and nothing has sold...well, it's possible the agent will simply come to the conclusion, "I'm not the right person." Or maybe, "I made a mistake in my evaluation." Or even, "I've put enough time and energy into this and received nothing in return -- time to cut my losses." I find it's tough to fire friends. And, as any management book will tell you, the best time to fire a person is when you don't hire them. Because nobody likes to make that "it's not working" phone call and cut someone loose. Of course, keep in mind the reverse can also be true: An author can feel as though her agent has tried several times to sell her work, and decide it's time to seek new representation -- someone who understands her better, or brings a different perspective, or has a different set of relationships in publishing.

Jim wrote to ask, "Whenever I read that authors are responsible for marketing their own book (rather than the publisher, the sales team, the publicist, or the marketing director), I scratch my head and wonder what it is these people do. Why not just go ahead and self publish?"

Okay...that's an attitude that is sure to keep you from ever selling many books, Jim. I firmly believe YOU, as the author, are responsible for marketing your own book. You know your message best. You are the most committed to it. You have the most at stake. You understand the power of your words better than anyone else. If you want to simply take your message and hand it over for someone else to take care of, you're going to be disappointed. A publishing house has hundreds of titles it is managing, with perhaps 30 to 70 titles it is trying to market right now. Unless your book zooms to the top of the bestseller list based on your name recognition, past sales history, current events, or an act of God, the publisher is going to do what they can -- then they're going to chase media for their bestselling authors, because publishing is an 80/20 business. (That is to say, 80% of the revenues come from 20% of the titles. Maybe it's more like a 90/10 business.) The days of saying, "I just write the manuscript and hand it over to the publisher to take care of" are gone (if in fact they ever existed). What publishers and their marketing staffs do are print and sell books. Any marketing they do for you is to be considered an added bonus. And, of course, you're welcome to self-publish -- but without the opportunities to sell into stores, you're bound to sell even fewer copies than if you publish with a regular publisher. More on self-pubbing in a moment...

Stevie Ray wrote to ask, "What do you think of self-publishing, and are there any companies that clearly stand above the rest in the services they offer?"

I think self-publishing is a great way to feel like a big shot while losing a lot of money very fast. The problem with going to a vanity press has little to do with your message and everything to do with your methods, so let me start with the most important lesson of self pubbiing: if you don't have a method for selling your book, you're going to lose money. There are other lessons -- like "surround yourself with professionals" and "do some comparison shopping," but the whole money scenario is the key point. Let's say you pay five bucks a book, and you order 5000 copies -- that's $25,000 you've sunk into this venture. You'd better have a plan to make it work. Most don't. They think their wisdom and writing excellence is going to be readily apparent to readers, so all they have to do is pull them from the trunk of their car and -- voila! The books magically turn into money!

And that's completely stupid. Most self-pubbed books are a complete joke. Some vanity presses will take whatever crap you give them and print it -- you'll get a bad idea that's poorly written, printed on cheap paper, offering a lousy binding and a godawful cover. AND you get 5000 of them, delivered to your garage. On the upside...you feel like a big shot! You're now an author! You can walk up to somebody at church, hold out your book, and reveal what a brilliant human being you are. You can leave copies out on your kitchen counter, so that when friends drop by, you can effect your "aw shucks" attitude and admit that, yes, your book has come out. You can send a copy to each of your siblings -- THAT will teach 'em for calling you "Zit Face" in high school. And then, after you've sold a copy to each of your aunts, you begin to wonder what to do with the remaining 4946 copies. This brings to mind an old publishing adage: You can't eat books. So they just stay there, taking up space and gathering dust. You don't want to throw out your life's work. There's a definite hit to your ego to watch your own words get turned into landfill...so you leave them, in hopes that a miracle will happen, you'll get discovered, and all those books will sell.

Okay, so a couple thoughts. First, if you've taken your writing around to several agents and editors, and they've all said "this sucks," those publishing professionals may have a point. Second, if you are hoping for a miracle...well, God bless you, but you've got no more brains than a gerbil. I certainly believe in miracles (An example: Patti is still married to me after 25 years), but I don't build my business by hoping for one. Third, if you plan to self-publish, surround yourself with a professional editor, a real-world book cover designer, and a publicist. Fourth, work with somebody who will put a bar code on your book, get you an ISBN number, and do a quality job of printing. But most important, put together a plan for how you're going to sell your self-pubbed book.

I've self-published some books, but they were aimed at a specific audience (card magicians) that I know well (I'm a longtime member of magic organizations and a former associate editor of a national magic magazine), and I knew how to sell to them (buying ads in the four big magic magazines, contacting magic store owners, and connecting with members of the two magician's organizations). I put a plan together, complete with a budget, for how I'd market and sell the books. It worked -- sold them all, and made a nice profit. But without this sort of clear plan, you'd be better off simply shortening your message to a few words and writing it onto dollar bills you give away. It would attract more interest, and, in fact, would probably be cheaper.

There are some companies who can do a good job for you -- the best one I know of is Wine Press, headquartered up in Seattle. They use professional editors, they can link you with publicity people, and they even have ties to a sales group that can present your book to stores. Miles ahead of the companies that just take your manuscript electronically, then barf it out onto paper. (I don't work for Wine Press, nor do I get anything for promoting them. I've just found they do good work.)

Last item: You may not believe this. In fact, I can't use the individual's real name, so let's say that "Melvin" wrote to ask, "Will you look at my work? I have great novels and if you want to make harry potter type money you will. But you have to have an open mind my novels are not for children they are  adult novels that aren't written for today they say something and create worlds that you have to figure out which one is real. Are you a real agent? A real agent can sell anything. They make money when they sell the novel. I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE AND AN IQ OF 180. SO HELP ME OR BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY DEATH."

Um...Melvin, I'm normally interested in adult novels that aren't written for today. And I'm certainly interested in making "harry potter type money." But...I'm really busy right now wrapping aluminum foil around my head, so that the aliens won't be able to eat my brains. I'll just have to live with your blood on my hands. Sorry. But have a nice day.

Oh, and you may want to talk to the doctor again about upping your meds.

Comments

[christa]

I fear Melvin may have been a student in one of my classes. Seems, however, he may have been drooling on the desk during the capitalization and punctuation lessons.

If he is the Melvin I know, he will take your aluminum foil head wrapping quite seriously and may use it on his book flap.

If a real agent can sell anything, what does an unreal agent sell?

[Jim Rubart]

Wow, Chip. I'm feeling massive chagrin. Are you saying I shouldn't have sent Mel your way?

[Sam Pakan]

hey Chip does the aluminum foil really work see I got this novel that's being dictated to me bialiens (yeah they got them too) and not just any alien but the primeval minster of alfa centari and its good but I cant alays tell whats being told me to do and whats the story and its alays about agents and editors and what not and anyway I need some sleep now.

lemme know.

[Chris Well]

Wow, Harry Potter Type Money! Those people will make anything. (But it can only be spent inside the theme park, right?)

[Katie]

I don't know Chip, you may want to turn this letter in to the officials, just to be on the safe side. That, or, hire one of your writers to make a bestseller out of THIS character! =) I believe that's called "poetic justice" no?

[Gina Holmes]

Chip, Chip, Chip. It's not aluminum foil that keeps the aliens from eating your brain. (I knew you weren't really listening to me.) It's copper. A sheet of copper tucked into a straw hat is the only thing GUARENTEED to work.

[Pam Halter]

Gina is right. Aluminum foil helmets only keep the aliens from reading your thoughts. (See the movie, Signs.)

Adult books not written for today. As opposed to when? Tomorrow? Next year? Maybe I've been going about it wrong all this time.

Sigh.

[Candace Salima]

Chip, thanks for creating this blog and updating it often. It's been a source of great information for me and I do appreciate it.

Melvin sounds like he needs a little psychiatric help. But I appreciate the laugh. Be sure you use Reynolds aluminum foil, it always works best with those pesky aliens.

While it would be nice if publishers would put some serious marketing money into books, you're right on with the 20/80 principle. To become Nora Roberts, J.K. Rowling or Jayne Ann Krentz, I've got to put in my time, just like they did. They were not overnight successes either.

So, when I was published I hired a publicist, went on book tours and speaking engagements, created a website, blogspot and more. I am always and forever, sometimes to the dismay of my husband, promoting my work. That's what writers do. If you believe in your work you tell everyone about it. It's just the way things work in our little literary world.

[Dave Rhoades]

Wow Chip!
Was Melvin that guy sitting in-between the two kids on Signs?